Today, the father of fantsay genre, the author of famous Lord of the Rings, J. R. R. Tolkien go against the creator of Cthulhu Mythos, the leader of cosmic horror, H. P. Lovecraft to see who's the better fantasy writer.
Lyrics[]
J. R. R. Tolkien:[]
Welcome to your worst nightmare of all, Howard,
The Father of all fantasy is here to Dunwich this coward.
Your stories freak people out, was it from the Mountain of Madness?
Making tentacle monsters out of the myths of Loch Ness,
isn't it ironic Jew supported the Nazis, you racist prick,
that thing between your Two Towers are nowhere close to a dick,
Call me the Child of Hurin, because I am the lyrical King,
Drop your foolish act and bow down to the Lord of the Writings!
H. P. Lovecraft:[]
Be prepared for Absolute Destruction, the Great Azathoth is awaken,
I spit lyrical fire like Smaug the Golden, don't be mistaken,
I'm shinier than the Arkenstone, stronger than the Mithril,
I absorb the light and bring darkness, call me the true Silmaril,
the cheaper types of writing like you hitherto followed should be dropped,
this hobbit being better than me? please, my work can never be topped,
I am the Demon Sultan of horror fantasy, and hereby I decree:
Your work is complete gibberish, worse than Tekeli-li.
J. R. R. Tolkien:[]
If you want to fight me, you better bring all creatures from your myths,
since I am are undefeatable, undestructuable like the Minas Tirith!
You faced a pathetic death, ain't this an Arkham Horror,
crazy parents, getting divorced, your horrible life made you poorer,
your life is summed up as a boy dressed up as a girl in silk cloth,
after I'm done you will do it again, cuz I'm powerful like Yogg-Sothoth,
my terrifying rap skills will eat you up like that Alhazred,
you've been beaten twice, there and back again, which All has read.
H. P. Lovecraft:[]
You ripped off myths all around and pretended it to be yours,
with your fanboys, you're like the Witch-King that everyone abhors,
time to kick this dwarfen limey all the way back to Oxford,
I am Providence, bringing Cosmic horror to this shitlord,
your writing lacks fluency, details, so come at me if you dare,
people still argue about Barlog's wings and Legolas' hair!
Your fantasy-like legacy ends here, every hope hurled,
I mark the end of this unexpected journey as the lord of Middle Earth.